Garren James

To My Precious Garren,

Today is December 30th. This is the date I must have said a thousand times when people asked me when you would arrive. How eagerly we all looked forward to this date! How eagerly we all looked forward to YOU! We had plans. We had dreams. We had expectations. Every thought of coming days, weeks, months and years as far as we could imagine had sweet little you in every picture. We never really knew if you'd come early, late or right on time, but we surely didn't expect to have so little time with you.

I have so many things I want to say to you. I don't know how to begin anywhere but at "I love you." Garren, these words don't seem to say even a little bit of how much Daddy and I love you. There aren't words to say it. Daddy always says, "I love you to the moon and all the way back down to the dirt." Maybe that describes it a little better, because that must be a lot. I think we'll spend our lifetimes trying to tell you and show you how much we love you. We think about you every day. We pray that Jesus would hold you in His arms and tell you His love, but also our love for you.

You are such a special boy Garren! It is amazing to see how you have changed so many lives. Of course you changed my life and Daddy's life, but God chose you to make a beautiful and profound difference in so many other people's lives too.

Garren, we miss you. I miss you. I miss the feeling of eagerly awaiting your arrival. I miss reading books to help me and Daddy care for you, and keep you safe, and teach you and even discipline you. I miss carefully thinking about what I eat to make sure it's good for you and going to help you grow big and strong. I miss taking pictures on Sunday afternoons, keeping track of how much you've grown (and how much I've grown) over the weeks. I miss feeling your little body moving and stretching and rolling inside my tummy. I miss imagining who you'll look like. I miss arguing with Daddy about what color your hair will be. Turns out we were both right. Daddy said red, I said blonde. And you have the softest, most beautiful strawberry blonde hair we've ever seen. I miss taking walks and planning for the days when you, Rusty and me would grab the stroller and some dog toys and head to the park. I miss thinking about Sunday afternoons with you at Grandpa and Grandma's house, playing with your cousins as you got older. I miss thinking about family vacations with you there. I miss holding you. I miss rocking you. I miss feeling your soft hair. I miss your beautiful face. I miss your long fingers and toes that look just like mine. I miss your long eye lashes that look just like Daddy's. I miss kissing your sweet, sweet face. I miss singing to you. I miss just looking at you. I just miss YOU.

Sometimes it feels like I get farther from you with every day that goes by. But really, every day that passes gets me a little closer to seeing you again. And Garren, I am SO EAGER for that day! You are our sweet, wonderful son and our greatest blessing from God. We love you more than we know how to say. See you later, alligator.

Love you forever,
Mommy and Daddy